It wasn't much but it was ours.

      This bathroom had been the scene of a minor catastrophe when we first moved in and it was now time to get rid of the resulting scars.

       A year ago when we moved to the house it was in dire needs of interior paint and, having possession the day before, a few of our friends joined us to paint the whole thing after work that day.
       Armed with rollers trays and brushes we attacked the job with vigor doing all rooms in the same color with water based paint.
       There was one exception and my wife volunteered to do the bathroom herself in a beautiful robins egg blue gloss enamel. With only room for one person she disappeared inside and shut the door. She was not missed for a couple of hours when suddenly she appeared covered in paint and staggering into the hallway, strong paint fumes following her out. We got her outside where the fresh air could work its magic and began to get the story.

       With as much experience as the rest of us (none) she had opened the paint can and first began to brush paint around the window. Right away she realised that this was trickier work than she expected and when she finally finished the window she found that the original color was showing through as it dried. It had taken so long to do that small piece that the only answer was to apply the paint much thicker which is what she proceeded to do. The idea of opening the window came too late so she just painted over what she had done and continued around the room. Applying the paint heavily came with its own headaches with runs and drips everywhere and she had to use paint thinner to wipe as she went adding to the already toxic fumes of the paint. Not being a quitter she finished the job but was so tired and woozy from the paint fumes and there was so much paint on her hands that she had trouble turning the door knob before staggering into the hallway.
       The paintwork turned out surprisingly well but cleaning paint from the sink, counter, bathtub, toilet and floor was another matter.
       After moving in we did manage to remove all the wayward paint except for the floor which was a slightly porous tile and had absorbed the color.

       It was now time to apply a new floor and rid ourselves of the memory of that day forever.
       This was before the time of cushion floor, self stick tiles and white floor adhesives.
       I bought some lovely blue and white vinyl tiles and a can of adhesive (black) and got to work.
       Being new at this I thought it would be easier to leave the toilet where it was and cut around it and without further ado or reading any instructions I began spreading the black adhesive evenly on a section of floor.
       After I had laid a few tiles I found that the adhesive was oozing through the cracks and any attempt to wash it off just smeared it on the tile so I pulled up those tiles and threw them away and tried to spread out the adhesive so that it wouldn't come through. It seemed to work better so I continued on and finished with only a few places with black oozing through. An hour later I stepped onto the tiles to see how they were and was shocked to find the black ooze immediately squeezing through where I stepped.

       It was time to read the instructions on the can of adhesive.

       “Apply adhesive evenly over the floor and let dry before setting tiles”

       Now it was decision time. Maybe we could manage to clean off the tiles where the adhesive had oozed and leave it until the next day. My wife, figuring I had done enough damage for one day, took a rag and leaned over from the doorway to gently clean up the ooze but the more she cleaned the more it spread and then she leaned on another tile and it started to ooze too. Leaning too far and trying not to put weight on the floor she naturally slipped and fell. The now oozing mass around her was obviously too much to save so we both began ripping up the tiles.

       As the adhesive dried it became harder to remove so once more out came the paint thinner to keep it from drying.
       All the paint thinner did was dilute the surface and make it slippery but getting it off the floor was still a job for a scraper and elbow grease and we were now working against time or we were going to have an impossible lumpy mess to deal with.
       After both slipping at the same time and sitting down in a sea of black slime we simply wrapped our filthy arms around each other and started to laugh hysterically.
       Next day I went to the store and got some advice and more tiles.
       I came home and removed the toilet bowl, put down the new floor in no time at all, replaced the bowl and vowed never to do anything without reading the instructions again which resolve lasted until we got our new barbeque but that is another story.